Updates from Haley Lorman

Mom Rage.

Something we need to truly take seriously. It happens. It has happened to me more times than I can count. It could be over the smallest thing, just a look and I snap. I can feel the rage take over and my voice deepens. That's when I start to yell.

Instant regret. Every single time. 

Why did I lose my cool? What the fuck actually came over me at that moment? 

"You're a bad mom, you're the worst mom... I hate you" are words I hear from my 6 year old. It crushes me. I don't want to be labeled any of those things. All because of the mom rage episode I just had. Like a toddler, throwing a temper tantrum that cannot be controlled. 

So, what causes mom rage? This is the question I find myself asking. So I google. 

I dealt with postpartum anxiety, and still deal with anxiety. It's usually always related in some sense. If I'm feeling anxious or overwhelmed, you bet a mom rage episode will be happening. You can read my journey on that here. 

A lot of it is stuffing down all the things until there is just no more room to stuff. 

Stuffing the emotions in, the words I'm not voicing, the feeling of doing too much, being too busy, not taking care of my body and feeling under appreciated. All of these things play a huge role in mom rage. 

Mom, I want you to know I see you. I feel your pain, I feel your struggle. I am you. I have dealt and still deal with these things. 

It's about becoming aware. Becoming aware when it happens and finding the triggers. 

Is it your child, your spouse, your pet, your job, your coworkers? What is causing the build up of things on your body? It could be multiple of these but figuring it out is key. 

Once you figure out the things that are causing build up, causing you to stuff down all the shit, make it a priority to fix it. 

If it's the negative coworker, spouse or family member filling your cup with negative words, let them know that.. They may not even realize they are acting that way and it may help them make a shift. If not, do what's best for you, and that may mean cutting them off. 

Whatever it is, acknowledge it. Become aware and decide for yourself to make a change. 

For myself, meditation has been helpful. I do a mindful meditation before bed. 

Find and follow someone you enjoy for this. There are so many options. 

Utilizing my wellness tools like essential oils have played a huge role. I've done some therapy sessions with these that have tapped into deeper memories and feelings and have allowed me to begin the process to heal. 

Talk with someone. Find a friend, a family member, a counselor who can listen to your words. Listen to the feelings and things you have been stuffing down. Holding it in is not OK. 

(just remember to not get stuck in a negative word vomit limbo with this person. Fill their cup as you want yours to be filled up.. because we don't want to be that negative person in someone else's life) 

Express your feelings and emotion to your partner. How can they really know how you're feeling about something if you don't tell them? How can they know you don't feel appreciated if you don't express that? They are your partner for a reason. Create open communication for the two of you. 

Take time for self care. Not just a massage, getting your nails done or a shopping spree. I mean real, raw self care. Diving more into you. Fueling your body the way it needs to be fueled. 

My friend Katherine had once said “The ideas of self care can be more damaging and destructive because your spending money you shouldn't be spending or your putting things into your body that are actually making you feel worse not better. Real self care teaches you the tools to manage your body and your mind so you can live the life you were created to live”. 

How powerful eh?

And lastly, eat a nutritional diet. Balanced, whole, healthy meals to fuel your body which in turn will fuel your mind. You can learn more about how the gut and brain connection works here!

Night terrors. Why the heck do they happen?

I'm a mom of two and recently starting to dive into the WHY my daughter may be having night terrors. 

I'm not a professional on this topic but simply a mom who has experienced it over the last two years, been concerned over it, and looked at finding the root cause of it. 

With the wonderful world wide web, I couldn't nail down a specific reason to night terrors. There was so many things that COULD set them off but no real definite reason as to why.

SO 

I decided to really sit down and think about her behavior, her daily activities, what happened during them and so on...and I've figured out what has been the reasons for my daughters. 

What I have realized throughout this is that every child is completely different. That the web really couldn't give me an answer because we get stuck in this thought that, every child, every person, has to fit in this box. That stepping outside of the box, makes us feel as though something is wrong. That something is out of the norm. 

What I want to tell you, is that there really is no normal. I mean, what the hell is “normal” anyways? There truly is no fine definition of that. 

Each person has their own unique talents, abilities to do something, personality, the list goes on. We are not created the same. We have different genetic makeup. We are all unique.  

What I've come to find is that we aren't paying enough attention to ourselves.

We are paying attention to what everyone else is doing around us. 

We need to start looking at the way we are feeling, the patterns that are happening with our bodies, and pay attention to our own self. To what our bodies are telling us. 

As I'm writing this, my oldest is 6. She was around 4 when night terrors started to happen. 

They aren't a nightly occurrence but they seem to happen on a weekly basis. 

For those of you who aren't really sure what a night terror is, I'll explain how we typically see it. 

In our world of night terrors, my daughter looks like she is awake, eyes open, dark and almost demon-like. She has fear, calling for her sister, her father, her mother...telling them “no, don’t go there...come back”...almost as if something dangerous is about to happen. 

I assure her. I sit there and tell her mommy is here, that everything is ok. 

That is truly all you can do during a night terror. Just be there and assure the person that it's ok. 

Every single time she has a night terror something happens...this is the part where being aware is so important because you'll notice patterns...she lets out the biggest, loudest rumble.....

I know, you didn't expect that. But it never fails. This is the pattern I have seen with every single night terror.  

It's GAS! Build up of gas. 

She releases all the gas and then she's fine. Lays back down and goes back to sleep as if nothing happened. Without a doubt. Every single time.

So if night terrors have been a struggle with you and your child as they have with us...really sit down and make it a priority to figure out the root cause.

Like I said, every child is different. What may be gas causing night terrors for my child may be something different for yours. 

Look for that pattern. 

Grab a journal...write down the foods they are eating each day, what activities they are doing at what time, how much electronics they are getting, what shows they are watching...you will, without a doubt see a pattern start to form.

So my next step as a parent, knowing it's a gas issue is to start tracking her food.. Figure out what food she's eating that's causing her the discomfort. I'll notice a pattern.

Then I can make the decision, as her parent, to cut said food out. It's going to take time and effort, but it's about being mindful, listening to your body and teaching your kids to do the same. 

This will help give HER the lifelong ability to listen to her body and help figure out the root cause in any situation. 

In the meantime, one of the things I've been doing that has been super helpful is massaging her belly before bed. 

I've learned different techniques on how to get “the bubbles out”, moving the gas and stretching their little bodies.  

So I grab my kit, my essentials and I utilize the tools that I've learned over the years to help my daughter to achieve comfort. 

Remember, every child is different. Remove the narrative in your mind that they need to fit in a box, hit certain milestones at certain times, be certain people. Every child is unique and you need to roll with the punches. 

Take the time to figure out their own patterns in life, their own needs and quirks. Do the work now as a parent so you can see what sets them off, what changes their behavior, etc.. Your going to notice patterns and you'll be glad you did the footwork.