Guilt


Guilt 
Have you ever just instantly felt guilt? 

Guilty of not being enough for someone. Not doing enough in the household. Not being a good enough mother. 

I have felt that guilt often. When I look around my kitchen and see the mess, I feel guilty for not cleaning it up..but to be honest.. some days I'm just exhausted. I'm overwhelmed. It spirals my anxiety a little more out of control. 

Guilt for the mom rage I experience with my two kids. It's not physical but its yelling..and my gosh I HATE to yell. It brings me back to when my dad yelled at us and I can feel the emotion explode from my body. 

"we were just playing" my 6 year old says..eyes swelling with tears. 

Why am I feeling this guilt? Because maybe what I'm doing isn't ok? 

The thing about guilt, is that when you feel it, you can stand up and apologize or make a change. Good can come from that guilt. Productivity can come from that guilt. 

When I find myself yelling at my kids and feel that instant regret and guilt I stand up and apologize. I let them know that mommy lost her cool for a second and that yelling may not have been the best approach. I let them know I am sorry.  

When I look at my kitchen and see the mess. See the clutter and feel overwhelmed and guilty about not doing anything about it, I create a system. A system that helps keep me more organized and do a couple things a day so that I don't feel overwhelmed and anxious. You can download my free guide here that has been super helpful.

Instead of me just playing on this cycle, over and over again. Yelling and apologizing. I step back and take a hard look at the root. What is causing my to yell, to feel anxious, overwhelmed in the first place?

I take a look at the potential triggers.

Is it past trauma? My phone? A person in my life? 

What's the cause of the out lash to begin with? What is the reason for the clutter? Why am I feeling anxious about a certain situation?

Triggers. 

I often have to take a step back and re focus. Think about WHY I am feeling a certain way or acting a certain way. What is triggering me to behave like this?

I'm going to share with you one of my biggest triggers with my mom rage. You can also read more about mom rage here. This may relate to you. It may help open your mind up to what your own triggers are. 

  • My phone. When the kids are around and I find myself mindlessly scrolling through facebook, or doing work on my phone, I find myself more on edge for whatever reason. Anytime I have one of my "mom rage" episodes, it's typically when I am doing something on my phone.

    Knowing that is a trigger for myself and my "mom rage" I need to make it a priority to have phone free time when I get home from work, until my kids go to sleep.

    I need to start making it a priority to do my online work during the daytime, when my kids are at school. And that if I need to get something done when they are home to communicate that with them and let them know that mommy needs to do something on her phone for a moment. Communication is HUGE friend. Especially for the littles.

    I need to realize that the mindless scrolling is not worth it. If that's going to cause me to lash out, why allow it to happen? Setting a timer, for 15 minutes of scroll time, will be so much more productive for me.

    These are the positive steps I will be taking going forward.
So friend, when you are feeling the guilt from a sittuation...do not sit there and let it consume you. Stand up, apologize and take a positive step forward. Find the trigger for the mishap in the first place and make a change. 

Mommas. If you'd like to become part of our positive community, head over here to get the stepping stones to success for supporting your anxiety and feeling like an overworked mom. 


Mom Rage

My Reality Of Mom Rage

Mom Rage.

Something we need to truly take seriously. It happens. It has happened to me more times than I can count. It could be over the smallest thing, just a look and I snap. I can feel the rage take over and my voice deepens. That's when I start to yell.


Instant regret. Every single time. 

Why did I lose my cool? What the fuck actually came over me at that moment? 


"You're a bad mom, you're the worst mom... I hate you" are words I hear from my 6 year old. It crushes me. I don't want to be labeled any of those things. All because of the mom rage episode I just had. Like a toddler, throwing a temper tantrum that cannot be controlled. 

So, what causes mom rage? This is the question I find myself asking. So I google. 


I dealt with postpartum anxiety, and still deal with anxiety. It's usually always related in some sense. If I'm feeling anxious or overwhelmed, you bet a mom rage episode will be happening. You can read my journey on that here. 


A lot of it is stuffing down all the things until there is just no more room to stuff. 

Stuffing the emotions in, the words I'm not voicing, the feeling of doing too much, being too busy, not taking care of my body and feeling under appreciated. All of these things play a huge role in mom rage. 


Mom, I want you to know I see you. I feel your pain, I feel your struggle. I am you. I have dealt and still deal with these things. 


It's about becoming aware. Becoming aware when it happens and finding the triggers. 


Is it your child, your spouse, your pet, your job, your coworkers? What is causing the build up of things on your body? It could be multiple of these but figuring it out is key. 


Once you figure out the things that are causing build up, causing you to stuff down all the shit, make it a priority to fix it. 

If it's the negative coworker, spouse or family member filling your cup with negative words, let them know that.. They may not even realize they are acting that way and it may help them make a shift. If not, do what's best for you, and that may mean cutting them off. 

Whatever it is, acknowledge it. Become aware and decide for yourself to make a change. 


For myself, meditation has been helpful. I do a mindful meditation before bed. 

Find and follow someone you enjoy for this. There are so many options. 


Write it out. Grab a journal, paper, your phone and just start writing all the things that are coming up.. Sometimes I get stuck and can't find the right words but as soon as I sit and get out the paper or even my laptop, my fingers or hand just goes....and then I have hundreds of words...my feelings...down in front of me...a weight tends to be lifted.

Utilizing my wellness tools like essential oils have played a huge role. I've done some therapy sessions with these that have tapped into deeper memories and feelings and have allowed me to begin the process to heal. 


Talk with someone. Find a friend, a family member, a counselor who can listen to your words. Listen to the feelings and things you have been stuffing down. Holding it in is not OK. 

(just remember to not get stuck in a negative word vomit limbo with this person. Fill their cup as you want yours to be filled up.. because we don't want to be that negative person in someone else's life) 


Express your feelings and emotion to your partner. How can they really know how you're feeling about something if you don't tell them? How can they know you don't feel appreciated if you don't express that? They are your partner for a reason. Create open communication for the two of you. 


Take time for self care. Not just a massage, getting your nails done or a shopping spree. I mean real, raw self care. Diving more into you. Fueling your body the way it needs to be fueled. 

My friend Katherine had once said “The ideas of self care can be more damaging and destructive because your spending money you shouldn't be spending or your putting things into your body that are actually making you feel worse not better. Real self care teaches you the tools to manage your body and your mind so you can live the life you were created to live”. 


How powerful eh?


And lastly, eat a nutritional diet. Balanced, whole, healthy meals to fuel your body which in turn will fuel your mind. You can learn more about how the gut and brain connection works here!