Walking the journey of postpartum anxiety & coming out the other side stronger
In my circle of friends, I’m known as the “voice of reason”. It has been my character trait in my group of girlfriends. You know, the group of girls you have wine with and let all dignity go out the window. When shit would go sour, they looked to me for wisdom.
This wasn’t always my story though. For a short while I became an anxious, hot mess.
Have you ever had panic attacks? Did they ever consume your daily life? This is what happened to me after I had my second daughter Hannah.
Postpartum anxiety. Up until recently, I had no idea what that even was.
I had always been the laid back, go with the flow person. That “voice of reason”. An introvert who loved spending time home with family (a big family I must add) but also loved being around and supporting my friends.
It was after I had Hannah that these feelings of panic started to come over me.
I can vividly remember my childhood when these panic attacks would happen, usually if I was ill with the flu. My mind would start to race, almost on a speed reel and constantly repeat whatever I was hearing or thinking over and over and over again. It would spin me into a panic attack that caused me to lose control.
I remember one time as a kid when I was watching TV and a panic attack came on. My mind replayed the actor’s voices over and over again in mega speed and I just lost control. I yelled to my mom and told her I needed help because I legitimately thought I was going crazy. I ended up coping with eating, mostly sugary sweets, and I now know thats where my sugar addiction started.
I didn't experience postpartum anxiety with my first daughter Layla. I loved being a mom and everything that came with it. Sure some nights were hard but for the most part everything was amazing.
Fast forward to Hannah’s birth. She was born via emergency c section. This was my second emergency section but this time I was trying so hard for a VBAC. We spent over 24 hours in labor and tried to push her out for over 2 hours when finally, after her getting stuck, we decided for the section.
I really thought mentally I was good after her birth but the more I thought about things the more “what ifs” started to pop in my head. I recall saying to my sister “what if I had just waited a little longer and not let them break my water, maybe I would have naturally went into labor and things would have been different” and I really truly feel this was the start of my spiral into “what ifs”. As I sit here writing this, tears start to flood into my eyes.
These "what if" moments started to happen frequently. I would be laying in bed, nursing Hannah, dozing off to sleep when I would think “what if I roll on her and she suffocates” & “well, what if I put her in the crib and she suffocates” my mind would start to fast play these "what if" scenarios in that speed reel I was telling you about earlier. It became a daily thing and panic/anxiety started to set in. I wasn’t sleeping, I was becoming on edge and not a very nice girlfriend or general person to be around.
I realized I needed support. I needed some sort of balance in my life.
I have always looked for natural sources of healing. Honey, herbal teas, etc and never had taken conventional medication. No judgement if you do friend but that just hadn’t been me. So I reached out to a lady that had put on a workshop a few months previous.
She talked about using essential oils for stress and sleep amongst other things, so I asked her what she would recommend. She recommended a combination of three oils so I grabbed the kit they were in and started to diffuse and apply them topically every. single. day.
Consistency was key. I felt a shift. My mind was feeling more clear, I was feeling more grounded, centered and balanced. Those panic attacks were rarely happening. The anxiety was gone.
I quickly realized this company aligned with my current values on cleaner living.
See, I actually used to make my own cleaners and laundry soap. Using toxic free products had already been a huge part of my everyday living.
I was so excited to see that they had a plant based option for cleaners and laundry soap. I’m not sure if you have ever used homemade cleaner but I was whipping up the old vinegar and lemon peel recipe and it didn’t smell very pleasant. Also making my laundry soap with two kids (which I was actually tandem nursing) was not my favorite thing to do. Have you ever grated a bar of soap before and done the entire process of making laundry soap start to finish? I just did not have time for that anymore!
So needless to say, I was super stoked on these plant based cleaning products and jumped on board with the entire kit for those. GAME CHANGER. Not only did my home smell AMAZING, these products worked phenomenal, fit my leave mat budget & lasted FOREVER! From here I was hooked and started to share my experiences with others.
During mat leave, I was sharing all my positive experiences with friends and family. I had been earning enough just by sharing what was working for us to pay for my products each month and it was soon time to head back to work. I worked at a tire factory where we worked 12 hour shifts. Both Matt and I worked there, which meant when I went back to work, we would have to do opposite shifts. That was not my ideal life. That was not what I wanted for my family. I wanted to be home with my children more. I wanted to spend time with Matt. I wanted us to have balance in our lives. So I started to treat this hobby of sharing wellness with others more like a business.
I am so happy to say, switching that mindset of mine was successful. I was able to take on a casual job while working my business and have the home life I had been looking for. Because of my one decision to reach out for support, to find more balance, we have, as a community, positively impacted over 250 families. I now get to hear others experiences with these products on a weekly basis and friend, that gives me PURPOSE. That sets fire under my butt and fills my heart with so much JOY.
My passion now is to help educate and empower YOU friend. To help you find some sort of balance for your home or life through natural wellness. To walk alongside of you and support you through your frustrations or struggles and help you explore the amazing things natural, plant based products have to offer. Are you ready to open that door?